Christian's Chronicles

July| Vol. 22 No. 8.02 | Christian's Chronicles © 2015 – All rights reserved.

To my online friends – I hate you

10 Things I Hate About You

10 Things I Hate About You – a movie that has basically no relation to this post, other than the title. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every relationship comes to a point sooner or later where brutal honesty is the order of the day. That day has come for us.

You, my online friend, annoy me so much that I’ve grown to hate you.

I hate your status updates, with your predictable, interchangeable masks of insecurity trying to reassure yourself that you do, indeed, belong. Congratulations, your expressions of individuality adequately confirm that you are part of the herd.

I hate your snide remarks. Your posturing is built on a foundation of the best of Wikipedia, for which your physical shortcomings are the only primary source. I suppose when nature has dealt you a bad hand, you make the best of what you have, even if all you can muster is pretense.

I hate your inspirational quotes and remarks. The only thing that depresses me more than the fact that idiots like you think the garbage you spew and spread is profound, positive, or in any way helpful, is the realization that, rather than fostering the exchange of ideas, technology has reduced our capacity to communicate to the exchange of enhanced-emoticon-sound-bytes devoid of meaning.

I especially despise the recurring picture of your lunch. With this gesture, you have managed to inadvertently sum up almost everything wrong with social media and your value system. You are an ambassador of shallow consumerism who actively endorses the notion that food is a luxury item to be used in jockeying for social status among the rest of your soulless cohort.

I hate your confessions of love and affection. Your intentional disregard for notions of privacy betrays your true motives with the seductive subtlety of a hard-core porn movie.

In fact, I hate you so much that I’ve realized we are not even friends. You are not even a person. You are simply a number, one of many, that I use to impress upon all my other friends the notion that I am a person with high levels of ‘social capital’ whose opinion matters more than that of the next guy who has fewer virtual friends.

And through my venting I realize that I love you just the way you are.

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This entry was posted on February 26, 2014 by in The Chronicles and tagged , , , , .