July| Vol. 22 No. 8.02 | Christian's Chronicles © 2015 – All rights reserved.
Cast your vote and see which OS will take the title of worst of all time!
The championship is up for grabs, but the battle for worst OS is bound to be a win-win situation. Meet the contenders:
IN THE RED CORNER: The champion and perennial favorite, a 13-year veteran with more crashes than a demolition derby and so riddled with bugs, even the Orkin man couldn’t fix it, Windows® ME! Although the mystery of the meaning of ME still has not been resolved (Most Errors? Mainly Excrement? Must Erase? Miserable Everywhere?), one thing is for sure: users M-ust E-ndure slow processing, that old favorite, the blue screen of death, backward incompatibility, and a host of other weapons in the arsenal of futility that earned this pile of bits the title of worst OS in history. As a testament to its powers of repulsion, ME had a shelf-life of less than one year, being quickly pulled from the market, perhaps as a somewhat expensive practical joke. Some speculate that the phantom Y2K bug and all the hype around the supposed calamities that did not occur were condensed into a highly concentrated form and packaged as Windows ME. After 13 years as reigning champion, the king of crashes faces a new challenger.
IN THE BLUE CORNER: A contender like none other has emerged, vying for the title of worst OS ever. Meet Windows® 8! This malformed freak appears to have been intended for tablets, or perhaps just ‘smart’ phones, but it certainly does not look like it was made to run on an actual computer. The radically redesigned tiles of frustration have hidden everything from loyalists who have until now resisted the urge to jump ship to a different platform and have come to rely on the familiar menus of Windows, only to be replaced with (dys-)functionality that accumulates an impressive amount of frustration in no time at all! In addition, this latest incarnation offers a nostalgic look back to the past with a refurbished PURPLE screen of death, instead of the familiar blue one. The new king of unintended consequences, with its hidden Start menu and swipe-activated wrong apps & menus, Windows® 8 could easily unseat ME as the worst-ever OS. Additional throwbacks include the much increased load times for software that used to load fast, and hanging of such applications as web browsers (!), which we have come to think of as the bread-and-butter of communication handled by simple devices everywhere. Perhaps 8 is appropriate because it rhymes with ‘late’ as in a belated and ill-advised effort to somehow bridge the gap between tablet and actual computer, with the result impeccably ruining any hope of a working model for either. Then again, the ‘8’ might also be a mistaken vertical infinity symbol, indicating the time it takes to start up, while also being in line with the giant mistake that this OS represents through and through, from its intent to its execution, and lack of proper functionality.
May the worst OS win!
Cast your vote below.
What does a retired MMA fighter do? Well, this one chronicles his adventures in a humble online platform called Christian’s Chronicles™. He is currently a practicing attorney, a former philosophy professor, IT professional, artist, international person of intrigue and the Original F-List Celebrity™.